I wish I could explain the anxiety and restlessness I have right now.
I feel pins and needles all over my body. I want to calm down, I wish I could. I am too restless though, my legs cannot stop moving, a part of me needs to move. I feel like I drank 10 cups of coffee and on the brink of an anxiety attack. I have anxiety sitting down, anxiety standing up, I even have anxiety to go to the bathroom, I have anxiety writing these posts. It NEVER ends.
I wish I could explain some more…
Today, I told myself I cannot do anything. I woke up exhausted, sluggish and just feeling empty. Depression hurts, it hurts when I try to do simple things and still can’t. I felt worthless, not even worthy of doing anything. From not doing anything on my day off, I feel overwhelmed with missed opportunities. I have all this time to actually do something fun and yet, I am here on my couch mindlessly playing video games.
From my posts mentioning depression, I don’t want some pity party. I’m making these for me, maybe some people relate, maybe not. It hurts myself not being able to do simple tasks because I beat myself up about and lower my self-esteem. People without depression just say “well just get off your lazy ass and do it” ah yes! I haven’t thought of that; thanks for enlightening me! Thanks for reminding me that I am a lazy ass, thank you for not understanding what I go through daily.
I wish people could understand how I would like to be functional, free of my mind and all its demons within. I wish I could show people, breaking down and crying after doing the dishes shouldn’t happen, but it does to me. Hopefully, by cleaning my house it can get easier. I just can only hope.